I’m going to share my super-secret barbecue sauce recipe with you. Partially because I’m in a giving mood, and partially because I’m about 3/4 of the way through making it and I’m more than a little drunk.

Let me just say

Ah, the good ol’ days of MTV.

From the rumors about Trump, I’m betting “his show of a lifetime” will be a couple of hours of lies bragging about how great he is, followed by a couple minutes of actual fireworks and then an extensive cleanup.

Then he’ll stick us with the check.

I guess I’d be giving Portland PD too much benefit of the doubt if I said they would know quick-drying cement doesn’t work like it does in Roadrunner cartoons.

You could pretty much just replace Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump with Ivanka.

Keep away from the mango.

Is it a good idea to concentrate so many of the most hated people in America in one place, probably completely surrounded by throngs of protesters and with the airspace compromised by fireworks?

That’s a real bargain! You can’t even buy a few pretty nice guitars for more than twice that price.

For the dollar amounts, I think that more of these auctions should be going to fight income inequality.

Winning the lottery is like discovering the Mirror of Erised. It won’t fix what’s wrong and will probably just make a bad thing worse. If you’re already pretty stable, it could make things easier for you.

I’d wear this to Ascot opening day. If I ever went to Ascot. Or had any money.

It’s certainly not the fact that while they both lay out grand schemes for progressive policies, Warren actually goes the extra step and includes detailed plans to pay for them, while Sanders leaves those niggling details out. Nope, it’s her advantage of two X chromosomes, the best of chromosomes.  

There’s always Liberty University.

Anyone who had internet access in the early 2000's knows there is only one true folding technique.

Every single one. Did it ever work? No.  I focused on stuff like clothes and what version of the Trapper Keeper was “important” and not on what actually was important.  Lesson learned too late.

Fried chicken, potato salad, and macaroni and cheese are the holy trinity of food recipes that I firmly believe could heal this country’s ills.

Arguing that Subway is real food. Subway is a Sandwich-Like Food Product™. 

Better than meatballs.