Happy anniversary! I'll be celebrating our 17th on the 10th!

My four year old niece did this crawl across a sand filled playground to protest leaving said playground. I almost fell over laughing watching this. And yes, we did have to wash sand out of her hair that night.

I accidentially cut my left thumb, through the artery, nerve and tendon with a damn CUTCO knife. I didn't see the bone, however. I then had to drive myself to the emergency room to get it stitched back up. I then had to have surgery to repair it. It was *not good.* So, I sincerely hope you never lose a finger or hurt…

I’m the one that cleans the bathroom (just me and the Mr. now, kids are grown) so . . . If I wanna pee, I do. And I clean it, with bleach. So there.

A few months ago, I, stupidly, ate pizza I left on the kitchen counter for over 24 hours (i.e. Friday night until late Saturday) and ended up vomiting it back up in the bathroom sink (Sunday.) I then had to clean the GD bathroom sink. SO GROSS. I’d rather vom any alcohol than do that again. And I’m Olde and know…

Nope, peed various places - the best being a vineyard in Germany - but never in a sink.

She was dangling from that cliff provocatively.

Are you me? I was at a wedding this weekend where the maid of honor did a 15 minute speech and it was just . . . boring. Way too long. And there were still SIX more speeches from the bride, groom, bride’s brother and the groom’s three brothers. Fortunately, bride and groom were short and sweet, and the brothers were…

DOH! (Insert Homer backing into the bushes GIF)

This is like the second coming of the egg story.

Please note the dog or cat bed in the lower left, for the rebels.

Chapter 2: On Divorce, General Considerations

What? A CostCo card? Chillness? I had a gate pass two weeks ago to help my sister corral my twin 4-year-old nieces in the airport, and the doofus TSA lady insisted that each child had to hold their own boarding pass through the line. What? They’re four!

Or, “No You Fucking WON’T” I think I’m going to use this.

^^^THIS!

I’m currently a semi-drunk person. I like you. But Jessica Biel’s mouth is HUGE. It kind of scares me. The huge mouth. On Jessica. That is all.

I get math messed up sometimes. All I know is .08 is the limit for driving and this kid was .587. That is fucked up, big time. :-(

She looks too damn stupid to have real remorse. Of course, this is a mug shot, so no one looks their best, I guess. But then again, I’ve never taken a mug shot because I never killed my own child with alcohol and stupidity!