If anything, I need to be drinking LESS beer. At the least, I need to do something to get rid of the twenty pounds I’ve put on since I stopped smoking last July...

Can you work with the writers over at Splinter to ask each of the Democratic presidential candidates this pressing question?

SANDWICH, M—F—, DO YOU SPEAK IT?

Thats fishy AF. Like, how are all these super-wealthy dudes who live far away all going to the same shitty suburban strip mall tugjoint that juuust so happens to be balls deep in human trafficking.

That list at the end... They are all bad, but a six figure fine for “lacking turf grass in a yard” is quite possibly the perfect distillation of everything that is wrong for this country. I mean... just, fuck...

The other thing that is quite terrible, which is touched on above, is that the only thing that ever protects…

What To Expect When You’re Not Expecting Any New Signings.

I often regret selling that car, it was really a blast to drive! I just didn’t have the space to keep it, at the time. If I’d kept all the cars I’ve owned, I’d need a small warehouse to keep them all in!

This was my garage 2 years ago:

In Spanish, it’s pronounced “postal heap” which is very apropos. 

The dish was tested in Columbus, Ohio

The Skittle

I’d just traded up from a del Sol VTEC

I know you all have a little laugh there at Deadspin Towers every time one of you uses ‘Pool Boys’ to refer to Liverpool, but trust me, you need us more than we need you. Stop it or we’ll organize.

Meanwhile...in the bizarro world this guy’s beer would have a head on it.

Getting four beers and nachos is apparently something I have in common with supermodels. 

I always thought referring to rotary engines as “spinning doritos” an endearing way to refer to a terrible engine. 

“Italian tuneup” isn’t obscure but was a good beginner’s lesson to adulthood.

As a New Mexican living in Arizona, red (or green) chile in everything is what I miss the most about home. You’d think Arizona would have similar foodstuffs since it’s only one state over, unfortunately it’s not so.

This recipe is good. This is our favorite in my home: http://mjskitchen.com/2011/09/red-chile-giveaway/