Just as long as they’re not screaming in an airport restaurant.

Nope. Kids are loud and wild and do not do what you ask them.

yeah, no, you’re wrong. If you think the parent of that kid doesn’t know what a terror the child is being, then your head is crammed so far up your ass you can floss with your chest hair. 

This is good advice in general. 

I’ve learned that there’s a wide disparity in the meaning of the words “graphic video.”  For anyone who hasn’t watched yet, this is towards the “I can’t eat lunch now” end of the spectrum.  How awful.  

Look, I’m not saying Trump knows anything about young women being duct-taped and thrown in the back of cars for purposes of human trafficking, but do you remember when Trump gave detailed descriptions of women being duct-taped and thrown in the back of cars for purposes of human trafficking?

It’s funny how college students get punished over the most minor shit all the time, but when it comes to being blatantly racist, then all of a sudden the administration simply can’t do anything, despite assuring us all how badly they wish they could.

I think you’re right about everything except this particular interview. Because in this particular interview, we’re all laughing at this stupid motherfucker for trying to cry his way outta this shit. And applauding Gayle for not giving him any applause for his acting performance.

The witness statement in the police report explains it pretty clearly: “hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you”

You’d think disposal would be more complicated when dealing with anything involving the CFL.

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

This team really is committed to illegally getting stuff released from their balls.

He was just trying to deprive the baby of oxygen so it might grow up to become a Steelers fan.

You forgot Bobby Bonilla 

That’s me in the corner... that’s me in the spotlight... dodging pugilism.

Rodgers emphatically denied any rift, but eyebrows were raised when he added, “Mike is like a member of my own family.”

Future former Cub suspended 40 games. 

Take an adderall and sit for 80 games, but beat the shit out of and torment your wife and you only get 40.