JESUS CHRIST DAD USE 807 NOT 7 YOU ARE PAYING COMCAST $250 A MONTH

I believe it’s because the AL won the All-Star game. Baseball can be kinda tricky!

I really, really love the transition to “Turn Down For What” right after the dude goes through the table. Perfect timing.

I’m going to bookmark this article the next time a football fan tells me he can’t figure out a ball or an infield fly. What a crap sport.

Still does have one of the greatest careers ever.

Ichiro is so awesome. Imagine if he started playing in the majors when he was 20 instead of 29. He’d have had one of the greatest careers ever.

If I’m not mistaken, I think this makes Scherzer the first player to have two no-hit, no-walk complete games in his career, let alone one season.

Let’s go LIVE to Skip Bayless for a reaction!

“Hi, I’m Andrew Collins, and I have DirecTV.”

I DO NOT LIKE THAT LINE IT’S OFF BY ABOUT THREE VEGAS DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING

Yes

This man is IRREPLACEABLE! How would the Vikings ever find an overweight, heavily-bearded, Norse-looking man who can ride a motorcycle in Minnesota?!!?

I really can’t wait until one of these assholes gets their ass whoops by all the wrestlers, and they used their finishers on him.

I mean, it’s a funny line, but moving us to the metric system is 1000000x more beneficial and sane than anything anybody uttered on stage last night.

You missed the best part!

SLADE: Hello, my name is Slade and I’m an alcoholic.

He just seems like the kinda guy who has bedsheets made of deli paper.

Inflatable life-size Ben Wallace. Best pool boy ever.