Thank you!

I was terrified I was going to have a girl. I have a boy. I like that a drawer full of sweatpants and superhero shirts is as fashionable as it gets. I also get to say amazing things like "Your ears are not pockets. Stop putting boogers in them."

I really wish I had been invited to that wedding.

I got a new job in my field that pays $15k more a year than the job I have been working at. My close friend somehow made it all about her and the start-up her and her boyfriend are starting. We work together and I am so happy to leave that job and that friendship behind.

Mark, you are not invested enough. It's like you aren't even trying. FASHION IS SRS BIZNESS.

Jeff Goldblum and Adrien Brody NEXT TO EACH OTHER? Dreams do come true. *swooned to death*

This Shih Tzu is too busy chilling to compete.

Oh! I didn't have a squirmer, I had a stage 5 clinger. Only happy being in the Moby wrap.

I can't eat pears because they feel gritty. Also, as a Louisiana girl, I can do some damage to oysters, but raw ones aren't even getting a chance.

I am giving you all of the feels. My spawn was very difficult to get to sleep and I never figured out how to do it. I would nurse him and he would be falling asleep and I would try to put him down gently and I would bumblefuck it up and it wouldn't be gentle enough and he would feel the crib and start screaming. Just…

Yes. That's exactly what I want.

Shut it down. No need to ever have another internet comment ever.

I can't even be sorry. I would do all of the things to him. All of them. Even the Mark Shrayber things.

She didn't say she gave it to her, she said the kid screams for it. (I have the same problem with mine, which is why I feel her pain.)

As a dietitian, I can say with complete confidence no nutritionist in their right mind would have an anorexic using a calorie counting tool. They should be focused on "healthy choices" and learning how to read your body's hunger cues. Some of the signs of anorexia are eating rituals, strange habits about foods, and…

I hate when people do this. I hate when I have done this. There's a certain thing that loneliness does to people that makes any attention seem like "This is it!!" and it usually most certainly isn't. So. Run. He will put you on a pedestal and when you can't live up to his imposed expectations, it's going to get ugly.

I think I just fell in love.

#notallwhitepeople

TAKE ALL MY QUARTERS!

I have no words.