I'm so ready for her album of OMFG DOIN IT songs.

Part of me says yes, but most of me says I DON’T READ YOU FOR THE TRUTH, INTOUCH!

Yep. Amal hoards gold. I can’t believe it, but it’s true.

Note: I do not want poop stories. Please stop sending me poop stories. Although if you really want to submit them somewhere, you can send them to mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.

you can send them to mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.

Oh, god, not the eye drops thing again! Colin, can you please add the appropriately scathing editorial comment that you can KILL PEOPLE BY DOING THAT!

Ha, what the absolute shit. Breastfeed a baby at a restaurant, I’ll fight for that because it’s no less unsanitary than anything else anyone else is eating. But diaper changes go to the bathroom like any other bowel-related actions! Especially if the kid’s a boy, cause they can just spray piss everywhere during a…

I always feel for fast food workers who get slammed with giant orders like that. Back in college I and my friends use to hit up the local Arby’s for their “five for five dollars” deal and buy 20 or 30 sandwiches at a time. We tended to have plenty of time and always made it clear that we were in no rush so they should…

When I worked at a craft beer/pizza joint a popular menu item was our calzones. These were huge, and made fresh to order and took a while to cook. Our menu made note of this and it was there in writing that it could take over half an hour depending on how busy we were.

You lost me at the Murell story this week Pinkham. I like to see a good “Eff You” given to a deserving douche canoe but poisonings are well beyond acceptable.

Basically spot on except that it happened at 2 PM.

On one hand, I appreciate taking revenge on jerks. That said, the Murine thing is poisoning a drink and illegal.

Somehow, I’m now just imagining you sitting at a computer in the wee hours of the morning, only by the light of the screen, with tabs on tabs of food porn, just cackling uncontrollably. The kind of uncontrollable cackle that is usually reserved for the villains of cheesy movies or kids TV shows.

The maniacal laugh that happened when I found THAT picture cannot be described in mere words.

Revenge will be difficult, as I’m having a hard time trying to figure out something more disgusting to give her to eat than what she already ordered.

On revenge day, I thought I'd share this order. I work for a delivery company and got this order the other day. I got to her place (a building in which I was fairly sure I was going to get mugged in the elevator) and she giggled the entire time, overall creepy (also I find ranch disgusting). She tipped me 50 cents.

Every single one

Mine will have to be a Blind Item lest I doxx myself. The celebrity in question is a actress in her 30s who has done movies but is better known for her television work. She’s also much nicer than this story makes her sound. That said...

I’m dying at my desk.

R&R from doing what, exactly?