I mean “While You Were Sleeping” is my favorite white people fall in love story.

Reviewing a Nicholas Sparks’ movie is like shooting fish in a barrel that have already been shot. But only after a long, love affair in which they wrote letters to one another that never reached each other because the mail service in a barrel is horrible.

Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. I just have to tell you that the answer should have been Dayne. I love her voice.

Someone actually cross-stitch that Eastwood bon mot for me. I’ll pay you in cash and/or home canned goods.

Right? I have seen lots of cats that actually look like Natalie Dormer, but not the one in that photo. A 30-second Google search just yielded this one—I can hardly tell them apart!

Damn, those are some low standards if that is a B+

Working theory: Jennifer Anniston wants children but refuses to have any just to spite the press.

Attack people. They attack people.

"Your job is to serve us and do what we say. You're not supposed to talk back."

Along the same lines as Becca's story about people making assumptions about educational backgrounds, I waited tables at an Italian chain restaurant that falls between Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill in terms of cost/quality the summer between college and law school. Our clientele was generally pretty decent, and as a…

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know my cheddar biscuits will be free. And I won't forget the men who died, so I can bitch about automatic gratuity.

Being gay is fine, just, you know, don’t be gay about it.

I’m still struggling to wrap my head around the concept that Yelp publishes reviews of houses of worship. But at the same time, I’m kind of glad they do, because the rant from the person whose first language seems to be something other than English about how, “we American should except illegals in to this country,…

I have plenty of Christian gay friends who do not practice homosexuality.

A girl did this in my high school. She made me feel bad because i sad something like “what, do you have cancer or something?” sarcastically when she was acting all glum. I told her then she was an asshole for trying to make me feel guilty for something i could not have possibly known about and everyone thought I was a…

This might be hyperbole, but I feel like Dog Attorney could be the best game ever. Imagine the puns!

"OBJECTION! Prosecution is barking up the wrong tree, your honour!"

That’s right. She’s got the munchies for a “California Cheeseburger!”

“Her tears drip into the pool, slightly altering its PH balance but that’s unimportant.”

That 2nd one was why people were really whining and crying when the latest Sims launched with no pools. No one actually wants to use the pools for pools, they want to use them to kill Sims off.