I don't know if this counts, because the excuse was also completely true, but:

A gf of mine in college had an insufferable crush on one of our artsy clique, a guy from England, with the accent to match, who was also a popular local DJ. He successfully avoided her for a while, but one day she finally cornered him and asked him if he'd like to go out for a coffee. His excuse to get out of it -

A kid who was late to my class once said that he was helping someone out of a burning building. I laughed and told him to take a seat. You have to begrudgingly admire someone with the chutzpah to try to pull off such a dumb and blatantly made up excuse.

Pretty much any combinations of words coming out of the talking hole of a guy trying to get me to fuck him without a condom.

I tried to call in "ugly"once. I told my boss I had a cold sore that went wild and my face look very, well, damaged and, as the front desk person, I thought I should stay home. He had me come in any way, took one at look at me, and conceded that, yes, maybe I could have the day off.

We haven't gotten these yet, but this is from our wedding invitation that my husband illustrated and designed. Obviously, he'll get the lobster groom and I'll get the lobster bride.

Absolutely not all teenagers. Unless you meant no tall teenagers.. which I'd also agree with. Tall teens are weird lookin.

After Take That broke up British TV stations ran ads with a suicide crisis line number for those in despair. I think it was in response to actual suicides 0_o They ran for a long, long time. Looks like they should fire that ad up again and just swap out the name.

my sister only just came back from her meeting.

Irreconcilably Different Directions

This is the worst moment of my life

i miss being a teen and having the energy to experience strong emotions over shit that doesn't matter

If "Watching teens melt down on social media" was on our March Madness bracket, it would win in a LANDSLIDE

my niece is crying so hard her mom is letting her skip school tomorrow

When this show first started airing I definitely watched the shit out of it, in a really voyeuristic way (like most people). There was/is a very palpable sense of documentary to it, rather than your typical reality show, but naturally we're all drawn to watching people fight with their families and partners. The show…

Mine hates that I am not a morning person. He's constantly trying to game my system, and offering to bring me coffee first thing, or get an electric blanket so I wake up warm, or start playing music to wake me up, or...

My absolutely wonderful fiance is the same with the meandering stories. And he'll say, "Anyway, long story short" like five times while he's telling it. I finally lost it one day and interrupted him with, "IF YOU SAY 'LONG STORY SHORT' FIVE TIMES DURING A STORY, YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT SHORT!!!"

so...I'm a big fan of using the bag you put your veggies in as the waste bag when I'm prepping food. so if it's the last thing in that bag, it is used to collect left over onion parts, etc. As much as this one drives me nuts, I would start utilizing a bowl as the "trash bowl" like Rachel Ray. Maybe even put it in the…