2019 sports beef is off to a tremendous start.

Can’t understand why Tucker Carlson changed his look, but still his #1 fan.

Tolerates husbands frequent gay affairs, as long as he keeps her enveloped in dead-animal pelts.

Spends hedge-fund millions on buttered caviar, won’t pay for college for his kids.

Yeah, I was married once too...

Throw Away IPA

Embed them in a concrete square in your driveway or walkway. Use that as the starting/ending points to your runs as inspiration. 

Literally: We make beer for the unwashed masses! You don’t wanna look like a book reader, do you?!

May we suggest climbing aboard the sugar-free La Croix train instead?

You shoulda learned to speak Bocce.

Hotdogs are not sandwiches. 

Thank you. Seriously. For this piece and for being a great neighbor. 

then they are all fake holidays.

People who try to enjoy life are the fucking worst!

My “old man yells at cloud” take on Halloween is that too many people dress up as characters rather than things and get really excited about whether or not people “get” the reference.

Booooooooooo.

1) If a guy is standing in a stall with his back to you peeing with the door open... what’s the big deal? It’s the same as using as urinal.

“Shanghaied,” “Sailor Mouth,” “No Weenies Allowed,” “Band Geeks,” “Hooky.”