Dude dude dude. I LOVE THE KOALAS. Send me all the koalas. I will put that shit on everything.

There is never enough of Jeff Goldblum

The Statue of Liberty is falling. A sign of things to come?

Alleged traces of narcotics.

Yep. And with me it was stressed induced.

I live in Tucson and know exactly what she’s talking about. Tucson is exceptionally dark due to the light ordinance but it’s in the desert which is eerie etc etc. What’s crazy though, is that very same thing happened to me and my nephew, but in a different part of the state.

You’re right, there is totally nothing inappropriate about a grown man inviting a 14 year old to a party with alcohol into his bed. Totally normal.

I find it pretty fucked up that the article mentions the names of “Jennifer” and “Tasha” but just refers to “their dogs” like they aren’t people, too. So sick of this anthropoarchal bullshit.

if i had a truck of money i would hire idris elba to be in my video. he’d be wearing a tux and there would be a sex scene.

I have a reason to celebrate! After 5 years of waiting for The Asshole to fix the divorce papers he wanted me to sign, I went ahead and filed for divorce myself, back in June. This week, the judge signed the decree after The Asshole didn’t respond to the notice he was sent.

As an autistic person it blows my mind that people would rather have a dead kid than an autistic one.

You missed the fourth film! They had tornadoes crashing into gun stores, which armed the tornadoes and made them even more dangerous. Then the tornadoes went over a shark exhibit so then they were not only firing off bullets but live sharks! And guess what was right next to the shark exhibit? That’s right, the piranha…

I drove a Geo Storm in high school. That is certainly not an experience I want to re-live.

I share an office with a stone cold bitch this year. It’s bewildering. She is just really, really not nice.

I hate all the tricks I work with, but when my pimp’s around, it looks like I adore them.

THE GREATEST CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE OF OUR LIFETIME

I’m four years older than her, so, I mean, theoretically not completely out of her age bracket/peer group/whatever and I just utterly fail to relate to anything about this song. Maybe I’m just old before my time. Or just old.

She still sounds like a teenager singing about boys.

Do you remember the story about how the kid was writing a paper with headphones on and there was writing all over the house that said “LOOK AT ME”? It still haunts me and that was I think like 3 years ago.