I find it funny that Beyonce and Jay Z are so hung up on Becky, and he even tells her to let it go.

This is... amazing. A lesson in contemporary dynasty building

They’re like black holes at that point. All you can know about them is mass, charge and spin. Which is really very interesting because that’s all you can say about the most fundamental particles too. Well, I say interesting but then I’m quite boring.

I see that this movie has been Stefon-approved. It has everything: music, dancing, Wolverine, Michelle Williams, acrobats, Young Romantic Couple, sideshow freaks, bootstraps, heart-to-hearts, high society, revisionist history, children...what did they NOT cram into this?

I keep telling my sister pull ups are important for this very reason. You gotta be able to pull yourself up if you’re ever hanging off of something like a cliff, ledge, rail, blimp, helicopter, amusement park ride, or a giant robot.

Something tells me you’re a fan of Les Cousins.

I refuse to acknowledge requests for read receipts.

When I was in 6th grade I had just discovered WordArt and my teacher could pry it from my cold, dead hands. If the title is not ‘3D’ and in rainbow colours, IS IT EVEN A TITLE?

I passive-aggressively remove the background when I reply.

My Outlook default has always been Calibri. I didn’t know it was supposed to be Tahoma! That explains all the weird looks I’ve been getting since I started working here...

Also, speaking to the “inspirational quotes” part, one of my former co-workers had an L. Ron Hubbard quote in his signature.

When his boss got wind…

After surgery for kidney stones - and if you are in the know, you know the pain is excruciating and it’s weeks of agony - I just got the stone analysis and suggested restrictions on my diet from my surgeon.

Also, I do not appreciate someone’s email signature imploring me to “Consider the environment before printing this email!” with a gif of a tree. THANKS FOR DOING YOUR PART, DIANE

This isn’t even the worst thing.

You know that fucker was making them buy name brand.

Accurate.

I collect Civil War items (neeeeeeeeerd!) and I have one daguerreotype of a union soldier and he was amazingly good looking, like mesmerizing. Blond hair, chiseled features and crystal eyes (blue probably?). I actually know his name and unit, he was listed as dishonorably discharged. I need to look up the reason, it…

They sell cheesecake. The place could be covered with black velvet Elvis posters and Thomas Kinkade paintings and I would still go there.

That was exactly the point - she didn’t love him, but wanted what he represented, what she thought she should want (love, marriage, stability) and when she realized that the man she’d been considering her fail-safe wasn’t going to be available to her anymore, she panicked and tried to drag him back to her even if…

I don’t think the movie ever intended anyone to believe she really loved the guy.

I love horror movies and it takes a lot to scare me. That said, I will NEVER watch the goddamn Babadook again.