I really hope we’re able print out the entire internet and put it in a vault so one day the aliens can fully grasp how much we deserved our demise.

Caity’s TGIF post is always at the front of my mind. Endless appetizers and the bland gloom of a corporate chain. My heart!

You must not have heard, but Epcot is home to the best restaurants in the world.

I’ll grant you overpriced, but I’ve eaten incredibly well at Disney. When was the last time you went? They have a lot of great restaurants (especially now that they’ve revamped their food and shopping area) and have an extremely popular food and wine festival every fall that’s excellent.

Yeah, that seemed weird. I work in a restaurant, I think I will say that when I bring people their checks, “Thank you for not screaming at me.”

You are not supposed to eat your spirit animal.

Shut your whore mouth! Giant turkey legs at Disney are my spirit animal!

For smart sex and genitalia jokes, check out Jen Kirkman. I find her hilarious.

Abstenence only sex Ed is ruining America. This is not how you make baby giraffe.

There is a family of groundhogs living under my house (mama+four groundlings.) They are smart and curious and adorable. And they are going to eat everything that I care about. Fuck it.

Oh please, he’d figure something out.

Name them after his parents... and tell them you want them to sleep in the bed with you.

I like to think that Gwen Stefani doesn’t actually understand the point of lingerie, and so she’s purchased ALL the lingerie and puts it all on at the same time so she looks like the boudoir version of one of those people who tries to break the “most t-shirts worn at once” record.

Can some rogue but nice scientist get on creating the North American House Hippo and the Pygmy Lap Giraffe? Please?

All I know is I’m a middle-aged woman who loves “Teenage Dream.”

Picture of said teens. Apparently they were looking for a g-g-g-g-ghost.

Thank god they’ve got excellent health care!

Can’t be any musk, Tesla’s are zero emissions.

True story, a friend of mine was hit on by Kevin Spacey in the late 90's. When he told us this, we, a group of hetereosexual males, yelled at him that he should have slept with him out of respect.