Aquacultured algae spread on roasted crickets is the only ethical way to eat.

Summer Biathlon - gravy gavage and race walking.

A political neophyte who by inside accounts isn’t even in charge of his own company, is running Trump’s campaign? It's like modern art, or a fractal, or a metaphor - I don't know what the right word is, but it's definitely something.

Yeah, Manafort was the voice of reason in that room. Slimy, cynical, disgusting reason. Bannon's idea of strategy is flaming crosses replacing lawn signs.

Are Amish felt hats on-trend now?

Go ahead and make that check out to Charitable Association for Sickly Humans. You can abbreviate it if you want.

Play it on mute, with The Darkside of the Moon in the background - trust me, it will change your life. (for best results: sync it up by starting audio when the MGM lion roars)

I'm pretty sure I could break a 42-minute 400.

Do this with the first 'Cuda, and call it a Damien Hirst original.

I demand fewer regulations on whale oil. It is my right as an American to light my path to freedom with the skull fat of a mighty leviathan.

Physics schmysics!

Minnesotans can't figure out a 4 way stop. Traffic circles are considered dark sorcery. I-94 E regularly slows down because of the turn after the Huron exit, not an accident, not blocked lanes, a gentle turn.

I love being a Raiders fan because it frees up my Sunday afternoons to do other, actually enjoyable, things.

People shouldn’t have to ask. I affirmatively declare “I party” at the start of every conversation I have with a new person.

What kind of car?

It's cute how wrong you are.

Wait...are you suggesting that Milo represents a non-retarded brand of conservativism?

They should have been using a blue plastic dummy pistol that is designed specifically for this purpose.

We’re lucky that it just so happens to work out pretty well for everyone.

We pay grandma the same as we paid the daycare center. Economically it’s a wash, but she does laundry too!