I wouldn’t wear these again myself. But is it weird that I want to buy a pair in toddler size for Mini Pie? I wanna take a pic of her in big old JNCO’s with a striped racer-back tank top like Mama rocked at her first non-parent-accompanied concert.

Pinterest: come for the crafts and recipes, stay for the self loathing and inadequacy.

Why do we still feign surprise when Wendy Williams says dumb shit?

Speaking for all of us in Seattle ... we are tired of Russell Wilson the Hollywood/Jesus guy. Just play some decent football, is all we ask.

Russell Wilson is the regular flavored ice cream of sports. He’s a pleasant drive through Vermont. He’s that feeling you get after that foot cramp goes away. Fuck that guy.

[Andrew Luck steps into frame in a clean Colts jersey]

I wish it were trigonometry. Seeing Luck and Fitzpatrick match wits for three hours sure as hell would have been exponentially more interesting than whatever I was watching on ESPN last night.

Is Garden State a great film? No. But it’s not a bad one either. The soundtrack was great, though (Disclosure: A friend of mine has a song on the soundtrack so I may not be impartial).

I guess that makes me and anyone who loves this film and soundtrack a loser then? Fuck anyone who can’t just allow other people to love a film. You want to act as though Garden State is terrible? It’s not. Is it the end all be all greatest film of all time? It’s not that either. But to act as though it’s irredeemable…

Awww diddums! Look man, I was a 16 year old boy with daddy issues & a raging hard-on for manic pixie dream girls when that movie came out, Garden State was made for me! But dude, isn’t the whole point of the film growing up & coming to terms with who/what you are and what you really want & feel ? You made a…

I wish I could tell my boss I’m not coming into work until I get a raise. Well, I mean, I can, but I wouldn’t have a job after that.

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

Just discovered Rick and Morty myself, it’s so damn good.

My kid introduced me to Rick and Morty, which is fucking superb (we’ve been watching them on YouTube). And hey, I’m in an NFL pool and still looking to avoid the league. Maybe I need professional help.

i had a pet bunny once, but he was more of a joe pesci type, what with the irrational anger and random physical attacks when food was being replenished.

I thought I liked you. I can’t anymore. Rabbits are the masters of the universe.

I used to teach elementary art in a really low-income school district near Denver. One student, Franklin, was a third-grader who was homeless and living in a car with his mother at the time. The district and social services were aware and helping as much as possible, but mom was hard to work with due to some ongoing…

Terry Crews for president! CAMACHO!

Keep telling yourself they’re applauding because they think he is a comedy act, if you repeat it a LOT i find it helps the urge to scream