Haha this is awesome. Feels like one of those teen flick endings where you go through what happened to each character.

Tim Wrightman, you kick ass.

Schröder? With a name like that, it makes sense that he has experience banging on the keys.

German, eh? I would thought he was from Alabama after seeing him hit Cousins' genitals that hard.

I agree, it should be three months. My mistake.

I'm guessing something else happened here - he goes to school at Colgate, but the NCAA discovered that he brushes his teeth using Crest.

Cool - he now has the Marlins' payroll covered for the next three seasons!

That may have been body paint - this is a Bills game, after all.

You know your team is fucked when Qaddafi is a better owner than James Dolan.

500 yards seems like a fair distance for the restraining order. Her estranged husband has already shown how much harm can be done from 60 feet 6 inches.

Wait. He's not going to jail for this?

"The NCAA is so mad at Kentucky, it will probably slap another two years' probation on Cleveland State."

What a joke! After that performance last week?! How could you be any more offensive?? Incognito got robbed!!

Seems appropriate, given all the historic and pivotal Civil War battles that took place in Central California.

I would be able to consume anything I wanted to without consequences. Down that entire tub of ice cream? No problem - no stomach ache, no weight gained, no cholesterol number spike.

Calm down, Eddie - don't blame the good people of OKC. They didn't call you daughter or anything like that. Howard Schultz is your Nothingman.

Good for him! Leave with your brains intact.

And we don't need Philbin on that wall.

Without a doubt, this can be attributed to the gods' wrath over the lack of cheer babes on the Green Bay sidelines.