Robots don’t need doors.

Mine would be: Used 400,000 times. Total time of use, twenty minutes.

yes, as long as you stare at the coffee maker the whole time.

If you don’t rebuke Satan first, how can you tell that your clock isn’t working on behalf of the trickster?

Why is a dick pooping a dick?

It seemed pretty obvious from his facial expression that his primary reaction wasn’t pain, but terror and maybe disgust.

Wait...so it’s Chewbacca’s fault? I call bullshit.

I loved XCOM: EU. My only gripe with it was that you couldn’t shoot at things that weren’t enemies, in order to strategically detonate vehicles, but had to rely on random misses. That’s a very small gripe, and EU was very nearly a perfect game in my opinion.

Time’s almost up. I’m also voting scrotum torture.

I had though this article was going to be about delicious whale meat.

And Four Christmases.

Is she the one who makes you eat human flesh in order for her to become your follower?

All the Kotaku writers get assigned different beats to follow. I think sex in video games is one of hers.

I always pick Nord. %50 resistance to frost is a big plus in Skyrim.

Add Jeremy Piven and you have the world’s most revolting three-way.

Good. She was terrible. Possibly not entirely her fault, but sweet Jesus, just the worst.

See? I’m just as big a moron as my brother! Vote for me! Jeb! Vote for the moron you need, not the moron you want.

Spitting cobras, or regular cobras?

Look for this on Kenny Florian’s next ESPN segment.

There was a comedian who did a bit on “old sperm” babies. “They’re the kids, you know, who are sitting off to the side, quietly coughing into a handkerchief, and pulling the collar on their cardigan shut against the wind, while all the normal kids run and play.”