My left nut, tomato. I even shaved it.

Tomlin wanted him the draft and did not get him. People will pay anything for a second chance. 

the Pod Save America boys, who are definitively the biggest chodes in the world of podcasting.

Remind me please: how much help did he offer California?

We have some of our best ready to go:

Paul Ryan in a pant suit.

Himmler had better hair. 

I don’t exactly disagree with what you’re saying here — it’s all context for the conclusion that “assault weapons bans are mostly for politicians looking to score easy political points,” which is totally valid — but it kind of feels like you’re doing a bit of a pedantic dance around the point you’re actually trying to…

I can’t get into the mall Swift goes too.

“Average American female life expectancy=78.6 years/28,869 days

I’m not going to link the New York Post if I can help it, so here’s just a screenshot of a different Lyft spokesWhitewoman giving the exact same answer after the earlier case last week.

“You know what this horrible, unfortunate situation needs?... Math.”

Historical events can be as boring as they like, but I don’t need to watch a recreation of them. The film was 2 hours 20 minutes, but felt well over 3 hours at the time.

WE’VE GOT TO HIDE THE PRESIDENT OF THIS COUNTRY FROM THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY. 

My favorite part of all of this is that no one says Hispanic anymore, and it’s generally considered just a step or two above a racial slur. And this motherfucker just says it over and over. I guarantee he still calls all Asian Americans “Orientals.”

Because this is objectively hilarious.

I hope it was his pinning arm. 

*nervous glance at Clarence Thomas

Honestly, if you look at many of the destructive policies and stances taken in our government since Bush, she’s really one of the few consistent strands of power.  America has decayed under her leadership.