Most of the Deadspin crew just call them the “Washington football team” or some variant of that, which I much prefer.

Awww, I still say that too. He was the best worst boyfriend on TV.

I’m not proud of this, but...

She was always a delight in Kroll Show too. As was Chelsea Peretti.

I misread that LUANN was the heir to the D’Agostino fortune and was like, well, of course she loves him. Sorry, Countess. I blame lack of caffeine.

Well-said. Much like wobbly kittens.

Sadly (not actually sad), they’re a little old for him.

I actually said “awww!” at the Keegan-Michael Key story. I don’t know why I’m saddened, except that he often mentioned her in bits on the show and he seems like such a nice dude :( I don’t usually have an audible reaction to Dirt Bag bits.

I know we don’t do sincerity often on Deadspin, but Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’ve had some therapy to help you deal. All those rapists should have a nice warm spot in hell. Fuck.

The titular line!!!

Am I the only one genuinely saddened by this? The links at the end don’t help. I know a lot of it is the hobo mythos we’ve built for him here at DS but I have a soft spot for the big lug. Seems like a really nice guy.

I’ve lived in Texas for a hot minute, and natives’ devotion to Blue Bell is insane. People drove across the state to buy it when it first came back to store shelves in a couple cities. I mean, it’s OK, I guess, but it’s no Ben & Jerry’s or Talenti.

I had Pony!

Well, this is horrifying. I’d like to meet the slimy lawyer who navigated him thru that so I can... Yell at that person. Sorry, I’m not violent by nature.

This is definitely not the first time this man has found himself lying in the road.

He’s also great in Silicon Valley, and absolutely hilarious every time he appears on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast.

I still remember ringing up a guy buying condoms, a dozen roses, and an enema one Friday night. I kept a poker face, but he looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. I don’t think it occurred to him that he could’ve made the purchases separately.

I can’t stop laughing at this picture

As far as I know, neither parent has faced any punishment for this or any of the other numerous crimes they’ve both committed, bc money.

Yeah, this kid was pulled out of his swanky private school when he was like 13 bc his dad didn’t agree with the headmistress’ negative evaluation of him. Then he was “home-schooled” by his mom for two years before they quit that, too. And somehow I doubt much home-schooling of value was actually done.