Dwight Howard is on a plush leather sofa in his mansion watching Sponge Bob Square Pants with some kids from the neighborhood. He's still in his pajamas despite it being the middle of the afternoon. Also, he just farted, which he thought was hilarious. Dwight sees this dunk video on his iPad, adorned with Pokemon and Y…

No, actually I didn't. That's the second time today. Damn, that sucks. My bad. I need a hiatus from the internet.

You do get that I was saying most of the things you just said, only quicker and in the form of a joke, right?

They really don't call people for traveling anymore, do they?

Sure, run along kid, the grownups need to talk.

Do you feel like this is holding you back in some way?

FIRST!

Man, baseball sucks

The idiocy of this comment epitomizes your entire tenure at Deadspin.

You're a real piece of shit.

seriously? you're okay with people working for free? you are the problem.

heh heh, you fell for it

Ray Rice was drafted in the second round.

All of this is garbage. All of it.

When Olbermann talks about sports, he's great. Politics? Not so much. He's spot on here.

That's interesting—I come to I09 to see weird aliens and grotesque fantastical creatures.

Must be awful, having that gun to your head and being forced to read articles you don't care for.

That's a black man in the US saying that Sam shouldn't have a chance because it wouldn't be smooth.