When asked what the secret to his success was, Marshawn placed a hand in his pocket and reached for a pack of Skittles before promptly being gunned down.

Poor Humphries. Dude's gonna be a huge public laughingstock now.

Okay, look. I know the overwhelming instinct here on Deadspin is going to be to congratulate Hitzlsperger, but he's got to understand that he lives in a culture that has established certain rules and norms. We're under no obligation to celebrate or even respect choices that are at odds with the standards of behavior…

Who are more intolerable?

And from somewhere deep inside a fog of cigarette smoke and 8day old facial hair growth, an amused Vlade Divac just smiles, nods and tips his drink...

@CoachJohnFox
To Broncos sweet sales-I am sorry,but because of recent changes I will Not renew my purchase of sweets. Hope u understand. John Fox

Holy shit, Harbaugh threw the largest challenge flag I've ever seen on that play

Yeah!!! Other clearly fake comments never made by anyone in history:

I love these features. Keep up the good work.

And five hookers!

CHRIS KLUWE MURDERED LENNAY KEKUA!

I personally have gay family members who I love and support just as I do any family member.

I can still hit the ball 45 yards outside the numbers with good hangtime

The Bears were just secretly hoping that giving Cutler such a sweet, sweet deal would kill him.

The Bengals could sell out if they talked Philip Rivers into buying one ticket for each of his children.

Half the Bears-Packers game (and that's not even getting into the forward pass TD); missing a delay of game, the unnecessary roughness call for someone falling on Rodgers, etc. The game was a mess.

Look at that fucking painted parking lot they're playing on.

Come on, the guy might be a bit overweight but I don't know that I would call him "huge."

Megatorn.