They’re trying to revive it with baguettes.

No, this just turns into vomit that pours out of your butt in most cases.

French poop and pee sausage must be the food most people vomit when they imagine it.

The Economist is great for learning that garbage people are not just an American phenomenon - there are regressive ass-tubes in Slovenia, Eritrea, the Philippines and every other country, too!

Or when they get snagged on a kitchen cabinet knob and rip out of your ears.

Everybody sweats and drools at night. We are disgusting animals.

Better that they just eat canned soup and chicken nuggs so their poor little bodies can rest.

“In my day, we got chicken pox, HPV, Hepatitis B and rubella, and we liked it.”

Someone should take Laurie out to the landfill so she can recognize that she is a garbage person.

Laurie: I want things for my family, but not for other people.

Peyton is a fake, dumb name.

I feel bad that the undertaker who does his makeup.

Your taxes are as low as you’ve ever seen them in your lifetime and you are a fucking idiot.

TAL = exhausted from ennui. I can’t even hear Ira Glass without erupting in rage.

Let me preface this story by telling you what I did not know at the time. Not only is my mother-in-law not a good cook, but she also does not follow even the most basic food safety guidelines. Generally, only food that comes directly from a box is safe to eat at her house. The refrigerator especially is a hellscape of…

Talon? Like an eagle’s claw? That is basically the opposite of a baby.

David Stern and Daniel Stern are the same person.

No, I think that’s guns.

But Stevie Wonder can. (?)

I would not be shocked at all if Michael Jackson is actually still alive. And living in Bahrain or something. He had lots of reasons for disappearing at that time (molestation, declining ability to perform, etc.) and his life must have been agonizing. But he still had enough cash to live privately in comfort.