As a Patriots fan, this team has become that overachieving cousin who’s bullshit recitals and graduations and dissertations you have to keep going to until finally, you’re just like: I’m done praising this know-it-all prick stop inviting me.

America.

In case you needed another garage full of evidence that Tom Brady is a petty, California prick —Jimmy G. asked to “work” with Guerrero and Brady said no. HAHA

Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb. - New England

Like the nation itself, he’s slightly out of tune.

Florida Marlins: 2003 World Series Champions

Thanks for this heartfelt, well-written piece. I wish Deadspin would publish more like genuinely great writing like this.

There was an awesome airshow after the service. — Boston fans.

The thought of four men using their bodies this joyfully would never be accepted in the United States, much less the NFL.

Deadspin doesn’t have anything better to do than troll Mike Felger? Is there a video game competition going on right now that we need headlines on?

He hasn’t won me shit. All I did was smile and buy a couple t-shirts. I get to disavow anyone I want. You must be a Jets fan...

I don’t eat like garbage unless your Mom cooks. I also don’t follow BAD advice from celebrity goons.

I love the Patriots —but I fuckin’ loathe Tom Brady.

They all delicately prioritize selfies first.

“Not sure he can help us win.” - Bill Belichick

I’m no doctor, but isn’t a “viral infection” actually a virus?

The American flag now represents white male policemen, firemen, and low-level U.S. Army infantry. Police and fire personnel of other races and sexes, in addition to members of the other three branches of the military, need a new one.

This was a cool play. Let’s not drown it in hyperbole by asking rhetorical questions about it and pretending it’s the greatest thing of all time. The defender tips the pass and he catches it. Settle down for Christ’s sake. It was a fun, great catch. Not a god damned earth-shattering display of athletic grace.