I usually find it easier to sacrifice a sock to the gods of hygiene, then flush it to punish the venue for failing to supply paper.

That's pretty metal.

Sir, this is an Arby's.

Absofuckinglutely not. Hanging a big toe (the worst toe) out there, like a fat grubworm, is just asking to have wild birds attack your feet.

Loving the choice to use a header pic from 2009.

I drank a large cup of water this morning. Therefore waterboarding is ok. Never apologize for waterboarding.

I am cool. Mostly because my desk is right under an a/c vent and I forgot my cardigan today.

So this more or less confirms that he's in a committed monogamous relationship with a Japanese body pillow named Kimiko, right?

Fuck me. I mean if we can't trust professional wastrels to post accurate photographs of their social media subsidized lifestyle, who can we trust? I'm shaken.

Her affinity for butts is apt, considering how full of shit she is.

We should take one for the team as long as it keeps him away from middle school bus stops.

Cool cool cool. Allow me to present a list of possible alternative venues: an active volcano, the hard vacuum of space, the inside of a large whale, backstage at a Nickelback concert.

Sweetie, you’re not your grandfather. You're not fighting Nazis. This is not running warfare in the streets. You are a clown. Meanwhile, adults realize it’s dumb to alienate people while cosplaying.

That's an extravagantly stupid take.

The level of disrespect being shown to Gwar by these campaigns is why Trump will be reelected.

The whole Time Cruise debacle was just a ruse to gain access to CoS's thetan footwear technologies. She's been playing the long game this whole time.

I'm not seeing any ads for The New Republic. Guess they rely of word of mouth.

His base has the average BMI of a adolescent hippo. The cognitive dissonance it must take for these chuds to cheer this while stuffing their holes with salted lard us impressive.

Gavin Rossdale had a Scottish accent, Lisa Loeb had her grandma's glasses...it all makes sense!

The songwriting gene lives in the matted hair. There goes this guy’s career as a popular and frequently talked about musician.