Steve Sarkisian got four touchdowns out of Alabama tonight, but like so many other nights he needed a fifth.

A veteran criminal gang with 3 women and a 72 year old master counterfeiter? Can we get a show about them? They sound infinitely more interesting than the Kardashians.

They couldn’t reach agreeement on Hume’s first principles of the contents of the mind.

Sitting on that has got to hurt your BACK BACK BACK.

This is the payoff on the long con of typewriter inventor Jerry Qwerty.

Does this count as accidental anal?

it’s the only type of car his tiny hands feel at home in.

Involuntary ballslaughter.

My family always called them “old maids,” and growing up I got scolded for eating them more than once because my mom was afraid I’d chip a tooth. But what she didn’t understand was that there are two kinds of old maids. Half of them haven’t expanded or changed color at all. Avoid these at all costs, because they’re…

Southern style boiled peanuts, no contest, fight me.

I think you mean the “Exxon-Mobil Red Bull Why America is Awesome” textbooks of the future.

Seems like an open and shut case to me. It’s not fair to only serve tourists to black people.

Your mom

“Your bodies are balloons filled with farts”

James Franco’s 4th brother there looks like he is about to be touched inappropriately by an old homeless Russian man.

But it didn’t end there. On the back of the photo Alex wrote, “You must find the Jade Monkey by the next full moon.”

Hell is an endless maze of sports arena bathrooms where adult men wearing football jerseys are waiting to piss on me.

2 men enter, 1 man pees

I’ve never seen a woman who was anatomically 90% side/underboob before!