*knowing look* *touches tip of nose with index finger* *fires up four story tall Jon Bong Jovi*

“I’m the least [insert bigotry] person you know” is the friendless man’s “I have black friends.”

4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

An article about a movie with numbered paragraphs. Does this mean Leitch is somewhere writing about fatherhood and poop stories in all caps?

As bad as listening to him is, reading is BIGLY worse. His syntax is so tortured, it should be banned by the Geneva Convention

Anything to promote whitening.

I’m more upset by the fact that they didn’t go with “Uncle Drewniverse.” RIGHT THERE, LOU.

Here is a picture of a car:

Meh- differnt strokes, Judge Judy

A 60 year old man wearing a baseball uniform waddles out to a small grassy hillock. Before him stretches a rolling grassland leading to the bushy outliers of a vast and dark wood. The soft old man raises his hand and sounds an air horn. The blast fills the plain before him with sound. A short while later there is a…

Looking at this picture, Justin won’t be allowed into USA anymore

I guess having a plane in your driveway there doesn’t fly with the community.

They would probably take this comparison as a compliment.

I assure you it won’t be

you cannot guard a man who exists in the silvery slipspace between the waking world and the dream world

Are the pussies as giant as the legends say?

Because our country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and it’s finally coming back to haunt us.

“And so, in conclusion, it is my opinion that the third way to kill a mockingbird was the best of the book. The others seemed like they would be too hard. Thank you.”

“blood of our youth”

Melania needs the blood of our youth for her nightly baths.