Procession of Palpable Penis Envy

Well, what do you reckon his breath smells like? I think formaldehyde, well-done steak & ketchup, and haterade.

Fun with words: you can replace every non-pronoun noun in this comment with ‘hands’ and it still works!

...And shriveled, plum-sized hands.

He Dent get it.

Gotta be UT’s most vaguely-sexual-yet-appropriate-for-team-branding name since former placekicker Dusty Magnum.

I did not know they were dating. Nor do I know who they are, nor even which is a Billie and which is a Taylor.

Based on my life experience, I reckon she probably just passed out in the gin and tonic she spilled and didn’t notice the dried-up lime slice stuck to her face when she woke up.

I’m very disappointed that no one has made a bi-polar bear joke, so I’ll just go ahead:

I recieved this as my secret santa gift this year.

If we’re gonna use it for the man himself, I say we make it Li’l Meat Mittens. Let’s make this a Thing.

Of course there are teeny tiny cameras. Only kind of cameras his little meat mittens can operate!

If only...

He doesn’t strike me as a guy that’s into the kind of elections that allow for a chance of him losing. You know, legitimate ones.

Loins? Fuck man, what is he gonna do to our loins?!

I vow to stop clicking on kinja posts until I check if there’s a SPONSORED tag. 

I wish I was a FANCY BEAR.

Nooooooooooooooooo

Dibs on band name.

Every time I stumble across one of those casting couch videos (during, uh, important science work research) I wonder if there’s some poor janitor who cleans that office every day, never knowing it’s any different than the other offices he cleans.