That’s only because pizzagate is also known as a continuation of the Fast and Furious ‘scandal,’ or 2 Nefast, 2 Nefarious.

Judge Judy and Executioner

Never thought I’d hear a Flaming Lips song used to sell a shitty Transformer movie. Hey, Michael Bay, stop tarnishing the things I loved as a youth!

And right on cue, the next article is about Dwight Howard getting posterized. Now that the Cavs won a title, Atlanta has to inherit the shittiest sport city crown, right?

Yep! I just go to my favorite dispensary, they have all kinds of crazy weed edibles.

I’m not sure I’m ready to call it ‘television’s best show about murderous sex robots.’ But really I suppose I should feel blessed to live in a time so rich in murderous sex robot programming.

Not sure who makes it, but you can get pretty much any comestible you can imagine with weed in them here in colorful Colorado.

Ahem

Whatever you do don’t read this, which is ball-retractingly terrifying without ever mentioning Trump:

Nope! Clearly a Klingon.

But now I have more questions. What is the difference between a prop nail and a regular nail?!

I’d probably keep you around. Firstly because I always grant unfrozen cavemen a lot of leeway in adapting to modern norms, and secondly because if you did all that in two weeks I’d like to party with you.

That’s it. No more amateur policing of juveniles if you even look like George Zimmerman.

I think you should pick up the tempo.

Also, ‘Shiny’ is by far the best song in Moana.

I always thought it was weird that the literal day of your birth doesn’t count as a birthday.

The rupee has been around since the 6th century B.C. Very few places have used currency longer.

I dunno, after this last election I think maybe we should go back to the sword thing.

That briefcase is kinda TARDIS-like now that you mention it.

At least he hasn’t named himself emporer for life... yet.