I don’t know why y’all are casting aspersions in that new song, it is dope as fuck. Easily top five in the rapping children genre.

But then your wiener might touch the wall of the bowl or even dip into the poopwater, which is worse than death.

Well I was about to go to bed, but I really don’t want ‘Autoerotic Asphexiation Vienna Sausage Tentacle Pinocchio Porn’ to be the last thing on my mind or browser tonite.

Hugely Small is one of my favorite rappers.

“We only make sandwiches for real men.”

‘TALK ABOUT CINDERELLA!’ is a fucking great call. Speaking as a cynical child of FJM and Awful Announcing (and Deadspin, I guess).

European or African?

I say you actually go with Skywalker IRL.

BUT WHAT IS THE POINT?!

Question though: which chapter in the Old Testament states that “the animals, oh, they lead with more guile/their offspring keep their gender in the wild”?

Jeez, Africa is a country not a state. SMDH.

I watched a guy get the shit kicked out of him as I helplessly continued to piss against a dumpster for a couple of minutes in an alley in Denver. A helpful transient advised that I scoot, as the altercation was the result of a ‘bad drug deal,’ but I just couldn’t stop.

Turned a verdant shade of green? But that's redun... You know what, this made me A Whiter Shade of Pale, which I like, so I’ll allow it.

So many diverse things.

Based on my own experiences with Magic: the Gathering in high school, perhaps it is for promoting teen abstinence?

I’m very disappointed that Garfield aren't the Wildcats.

You’re wrong, but that’s absolutely what my berniebro self will choose to believe come vote time in November.

So why even bring it up, of all fucking things?

Why do so many big name GOP guys look like toxic avengers?

Things took a tragic turn when the cyclists began ordering products from an ACME catalogue in an effort to catch the speedy bird.