Facebook ghosts are scary as fuck.

This is my new favorite.

*Lede, I'm a dumbass

Not that I'm surprised that Cobb was a 600 year old baseball vampire, but you kinda buried the lead here didn’t you?

Fitting since petard and trump have both been euphemisms for fart (in France and England, respectively).

This sounds like wise advice but I wonder how you achieved such wisdom?

Well now I know what Meatloaf was talking about.

A jawn is a chingadera.

Thank you! I actually did know about the move, but wonkette just hates my browser.

Damn I miss BCO.

Dick Trickle?

... I don't think that's what costume porn means. Not gonna google to check tho.

Same.

I meant ‘double’ but I like doodle better.

On fleek.

Always doodle penis vagina truthers.

Mass Coronal Ejection

Since you said it, how about a Guilded Lily?

Maybe consciousness can take up residence in a field of neutrinos.

Not a bear, but as a fellow woodland creature what eats people, I am an ally. Guy Pearce should’ve won a Oscar for Ravenous.