Who knew you could get DNA off of 80-year-old mustard stains?

"Well c'mon there now, Barry. I remember when we was acourtin' the World Cup a few years ago. There wasn't no secrets about how them soccer folks did business. Hell, they wanna get paid! It's right there in the name ah their organization, just as sure as I loofer my sweet mama's back every night before bed!"

For some reason I'm still getting many replies a day to this and 90 per cent of them say one of two really stupid thing.

+1

Luckily Joe remained perfectly kalm through the ordeal.

Alternate theory: one dedicated fan wanted to celebrate Sam Bradford's close-captioned video room experience.

[meh]

Isn't the constitutional protection of the second amendment supposed to apply to ALL Americans? Pretty sure that's a FACT too.

On the other hand the vast majority of mass murders (particularly those carried out with assault rifles) are perpetrated by white guys. But that doesn't matter. Aren't constitutional rights (including the second amendment) supposed to apply to everyone?

Yes, you're right my terminology may be wrong. I'm not a gun guy. But regardless, I would posit the same applies for a group of black men open carrying assault rifles down the street.

Um yeah, hence the link provided in the story.

"There are reasons why white gun's rights activists can walk into a Chipotle restaurant with assault rifles and be seen as gauche nuisances while unarmed black men are killed for reaching for their wallets or cell phones, or carrying children's toys."

You're right. It's almost as if someone forgot that people can only care about one thing at a time.

Okay that old dude with the mustache and the glasses appears to have magically teleported between the first and third pictures. WTF?

Funny is subjective I suppose. I thought it was pretty funny as a commentary on the Cavs fans who went apeshit last time and the Heat fans who don't care nearly as much. But that's me. Taking the piss out of how serious sports fans can be sometimes is good in my book.

You know how some people have something explained to them on the internet and instead of just saying "oh okay, I get it now" they double down on their this-is-wrong-edness because they don't want to admit on an internet forum or in comments that they didn't get something to begin with? That's you right now. But…

I did call her on it and tell her I'm Jewish and she was extremely apologetic (which is at least better than her going all Deadspin burner on me and trying to justify it in some way or bitching about the "PC police." She's also (and call me superficial) really attractive, which admittedly mitigates it somewhat haha. …

I tell Jew jokes all the time because I also have a somewhat twisted sense of humour. And I have friends who aren't Jewish and we make fun of each other's ethnicities/religions/beliefs all the time. But like you said, that's within a close group of friends and we all know we're just ragging on each other. You're…

In conclusion, fuck bacon.

Okay so here's a bit of an odd one. Being recently out of the marriage situation and back on the market, I have returned to the world of online dating. Anyway I started talking to this girl a few days ago. Seemed to be hitting it off great. We were telling each other cheesy jokes back and forth. Then she busts…