Am I the only one who thought the headline to this started with Post Porn Racist Jokes?

Brendan Shanahan: Dave, we better get on this quick! Call Steve Simmons right now!
Dave Nonis: Why in god's name would I do that?
Shanahan: The maintenance guys aren't in yet and I just clogged my office toilet.

Twenty minutes later the Braves offered Upton a three year contract to play left field.

It's about time a GM in Detroit rivaled anything anywhere again...

The real racism was in having Jon Voight play a black coach.

Not for nothing but if they'd put the actual year someone broke the 355 mark instead of "the 1920s" they could have saved that "the" for the horrendous opening sentence.

"That's offensive!"

You know, shit like this and tl;dr have got to be the most ridiculously stupid internet crap ever invented. If you don't feel like reading something, fine. But why would you want to advertise the fact? Does it provide some pleasure to you to go out of your way to let everyone know how much you didn't read something…

Ha!

It's acceptable when your owner is an unmodified joke of a dick.

The Browns just signed the rope to a three year deal to start at OT.

Well, no, because it's not the wall in this case that's French it's the last name of the guy who hit the ball. Also "going over the wall" is a common expression to express courage - which means it more aptly fits the reductio ad absurdum of comparing a baseball hit by a guy with a certain last name to the popular…

I also doubt his home run ball surrendered to Germany in 1942.

To be fair, how hard is it, really, to stop a Frenchman from going over the wall?

Darn. If only Chris Kluwe had played the other football, we'd... get a summary...

It seems to me, considering their bankruptcy, that Blockbuster would be more careful about letting their Movie Awards roam free like that.

I don't get it. The guy thinks the other guy wants to hit his wife? But he's only rolling the ball... that wouldn't really do much to her. Your oddly phrased domestic abuse humour is confusing.

God bless whoever invented the sphere.

Earlier in the day, the CDC turned down Snyder's offer of two season's tickets for a half hour's access to one of their Level 3 biohazard labs.

It occurred.