Best Musical Artists By State:

Davis was very close to signing with the Chinese team until threats of a lawsuit for trademark infringement by the von Richthofen family scared him off.

The last time a Midwesterner played ball in a Kitchen Cabinet, Ehud Barak wound up in a dress...

I get it. They were both considered famous defensive ends in SEC states and probably lost millions as a result of their recently revealed lifestyles.

"Isolation? Christ even with him locked up they're still double-teaming me..."

That's what he gets for insulting the lack of heart Martin contained in his defensive posterior. I'd be looking for Sean Connery and the ghost of Judy Garland.

Shit, Jordan didn't even play in 2004. Dude seriously holds a grudge.

Finally an explanation for how Nickleback went platinum.

Yeah shoulda considered that one a little more carefully.

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Imagine having to buy a new 2000 Flushes after every trip to the bathroom...

In response, 400,000 drunk Broncos fans peed the number 18 into the snow outside their homes.

Yes but it turns eating into something I have to expend a small amount of concentration on, which is not what I want to do with snack food. I just want to shovel it into my gullet with zero forethought.

You are wrong. Pico de Gallo is tasty but a gigantic pain in the ass to eat. You gotta get it on the chip, you gotta get the chip to your mouth on a perfectly level plane all the way in or it's either going in your lap or down your fingers, and then you gotta do it all over again.

THAT was satire! Meta!

[darin's is better]

LeBlanc then left to accept the Governor's Award for "Most Inspiring Name" from Jan Brewer.

Superfly was just a wrestler tryin' to get over. But the only game he knew was do or die.

Cristiano Ronaldo.

Debate: I shall miss your warm embrace.