Trained birds of prey are banded and have straps on their legs called jesses that are used to keep the bird from flying away when it is panicked.

The world may never know.....

"Goddamn it I Thought I was Done Already Brown".

I wish I was rich enough to participate in this boycott.

It probably helps that she hasn't lived in the UK for a while. When I'm in GA, I sound so Georgian. When I'm in Texas, I get so Texan. When I'm in California, I get that ridiculous flat, vocal fry that you see in the SNL 'Californians' sketch.

No honey. I meant they must both have announced their pregnancies early because it seems like they're pregnant for a long time...okay? (In case you don't grasp this point either, I'm kidding. I DO realize that nine months tends to be the length of time women are pregnant for).

My home state has gone full Florida.

4. Slenderman.

if she turns into Ellen Barkin someday, that would be FUCKING AMAZING. This might be the highest compliment anyone could pay Jennifer Lawrence.

I feel like I care more about Mark's random life info than I do about anything else on dirtbag.

I'm all about that bush, 'bout that bush, no trimming.

I'm trying to curate a fresh and innovative experience for you. One that blends the modern and contemporary with echoes of the past.

False. When you have kids it doesn't HAVE to ruin your body. I never even got stretch marks. The ones I delivered naturally did little to my body that a few weeks of very light dieting and pushing the kids around in a stroller couldn't take care of. The C-section left a scar but it's below my bikini line so no one…

And that makes her a total badass. Being someone in touch with your sexuality and being a parent are not mutually exclusive.

I have big boobs on a smallish torso already, which sounds fantastic to like 13 year old boys, but I'm also a runner and its annoying and I hate them.

It is only maternal love that stops you from dropping your toddler off in a basket on a neighbor's doorstep when they bite you in the ass. Well, that, and they wouldn't stay in a basket for three seconds.

Gelding would probably help with the whole sex 500 times a day problem. I am 100% on board with gelding Kanye.

Mark Shrayber, not only is he the Hunter S. Thompson of Jezebel, he's the only writer on the internet who can produce posts this long about things I genuinely don't give a shit about, multiple times, and get me to read through until the end.

i will allow matt mcgorry to go down on me.