SO I HAD A FUCKING PERFECT GIF FOR THIS.

I don't look bad naked, but I wish I knew how fucking good I looked from the ages of c. 19-23.

AT LEAST CLEAN YOUR GODDAMN MIRROR IF YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A MIRROR SELFIE

If you don't already live-tweet your tv viewing, I think you should. I would follow that. Also, I no longer have cable so I could live vicariously through you.

Um if Kanye wouldn't have done this Beck's win would have been in the news cycle for 24 hours max.

I take comfort in knowing my bank robbery career is on track by just leaving off the eyeliner and pulling back my bangs.

Also:

You're a fucking idiot.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/13/us/…

I hope you don't have a mother, grandmother, sisters, or daughters, because if the current statistics hold true, one of them will be raped/have been raped in college. Go fuck your self. You fucking shit

more like Angkor TWAT amirite

Hi Kiki,

Good customer service makes the world go round - and I always try to tell their managers, on the off chance that they get something for customer praise. When I worked phone customer service we got $50 added to our paychecks if a customer independently spoke to our manager or emailed saying we did a good job. I had a…

As long as you don't pour it in your fuckin' iced tea, we'll all be fine.

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

They're likely the same people who think telling women in public they're "prettier when they smile" is an act of civil nobility.

Also, I had the BEST server this weekend. He was a high schooler and he freaking... He was just so excited about everything on the menu, and his job, and chocolate sauce. I don't even know. I'm gonna go on yelp and write lovely haikus about him.

That ad is still confusing. Not find it cute? So he'll be, what, annoyed? Indifferent? Angry? What happens next in that story?

Budweiser: Like sex in a canoe

That name escaped me, thanks for the reminder. Funny how it was the '76 Olympics where all the women were subjected to sex tests to determine if they were "truly" women, except for one woman, Princess Anne, whose mother, the Queen, was on hand to open the games in Montreal.