Rising through the ranks by being cutthroat doesn't work once you get to the top. The only throat left to cut is your own.

What I think of every time I see this ludicrous nasal piercing.

They're really good when used sparingly, although I'm pretty sure most people who think they've had food with truffles really haven't. Most places use truffle oil, which is synthetic and just made with some of the same chemicals that give truffles their flavor. It's a lot less expensive, but also pretty good. Truffle…

one night a week she'd go to bed in special sheets of bath toweling packed in beefsteaks : Burger Queen

I mean, if the level of pretentiousness at an event is set to "vegan brunch buffet," I might make the mistake of thinking things under glass are fair game.

"Depressed oxblood" is a good descriptor. The Pantone swatch of it looks like a dusty, tired version of this year's radiant orchid, like it was sitting there on the shelf and they were too done in by Seasonal Affective Disorder to put any effort into thinking of something new. Maybe it's really an astute commentary of…

That sounds almost like an Archer joke. "Yes, I was cheating with your sister - your twin sister, which means I obviously still find you very attractive."

"Fortunately for the unnamed Derplord"

I don't know, I took the shower comment as in "I was in a place with a load of bodily fluids, hence shower", not as in "To wash the memories of their sinful, sinful kinks", but what do I know.

Now that the right kind of victim - white, Christian, married, even took husband's last name! - can attest that Cosby is a predator, can his defenders kindly STFU?

Yes. But it will be spelled Knorth from then on.

i honestly can't breathe right now

Best.

He proudly returned to his fellow Lords of the Flies and proclaimed, "Chuck E.'s a girl! And she's got tits like THIS!" making the (in)appropriate gesture most commonly associated with such a statement.

NO WORDS SO HAPPY HELP YES TURN THE INTERNET OFF APOCALYPSE NOW PEEK EXCELLENCE REACHED HUMANITY PURPOSE FULFILLED GOODBYE BEAUTIFUL WORLD

I keep telling my SO to get a fuck-buddy, or something. 5 times in 5 months despite both of us being no less horny than usual, but because even trying to have sex can have me rolling about, moaning and screaming in pain for hours after the fact is not too sexy. He is refusing. How are you finding your arrangement?

I'm 5 months pregnant with number two. I work full-time and my nerves are shot to hell most of the time and I have no energy. I also have no sex drive whatsoever (many pregnant women get more horny, so ymmv).

my neighbors had a baby with a TON of issues- he lost an eye, he had brain surgery. he now has a fake eye, and when he was really wee, a lot of time was spent getting him to take his fake eye out of his mouth. now he's a lil nerd bb with glasses and his fake eye, and is just the most Boyish Boy to Ever Boy- bikes and…

I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK TO DO THIS:

Starting this for the D^2 vid. My friend and I may or may not have sang the backup parts (ta na na na) whilst doing the hand motions whenever this video played on MTV. We're dudes. That's how fucking awesome this song is.