And explain to him that he’s meant to be like Gallant, not Goofus!

Hey, he cares about the country! He wants to make it great again! And he hugged a flag that one time!

Same with Coke douches!

I have never had a Facebook account, and I feel good about this decision. There’s so much drama that I’ve avoided and time that I’ve saved (that I’ve wasted on other parts of the Internet, haha). I think people think that I’m missing out, but my life is plenty full without it.

Yes! We were little a-holes in junior high, but we weren’t a-holes with internet access. We were cruel to each other at school, not constantly online.

What we need now is a good guy with a gun...

“Boring”!?!? The president and the presidency aren’t meant to be entertaining! FFS.

Ha. Would they be yuge IUDs?

My Mirena was set to expire this spring, but I got it replaced in late 2016 because I don’t trust a President Trump or a President Pence with anything, least of all women’s health.

That’s the worst. It makes the person saying it, and God, look like real a-holes.

“women can get the same services at the dentists office”

Yeah, like women are just postponing the procedure for funsies, because it’s way easier to have a late-term abortion than an early one. Or because those sluts are sadists who just like killing babies. Or something.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that fat makes them invisible. I’ve never felt invisible, and I’ve always been fat. I just get hit on by a different batch of creeps. :/

Ha! I thought my dad was the only one who called it “funeral meat.” That stuff is yuck.

OMG, is “ham spread” that pinkish ham chunks concoction that probably also contains mayo? My dad (RIP) loved that stuff. 

I really like this. Those seeds have been producing a bumper crop for years.

I didn’t even notice the fur because I was so focused on the grandpa glasses!

Aw, I’d forgotten about the terrorist fist-bump! Good times.

“It’s like all the rest of us, no? That’s why we have a vice president and a speaker of the House and a whole line of people. They can just keep dying.”

I never knew what that “7 Years” song was called, but it plays every time I’m at the gym, and I hate it. Who the fuck tells their eleven-year-old to go out and find a wife or he’s gonna be lonely?