Nice to see Milton Bradley is taking it easy in retirement.

I don’t want to sound like an advocate for raping your teammate to death, but in this case it would open up a spot in the infield.

Fuck that mother from the baseball game. I mean, someone other than her dickless text-shaming husband. How does that absentee sack of shit not appreciate the incomparable joy that comes with catching a foul ball, no matter your age?

‘Only the saddest degenerates would waste a Sunday morning this October watching a Bills-Jaguars game emanating from London’

When I was in middle school, I had a serious phobia about taking a shit in public places, and school was the worst.

Well, we all know how Pats fans reacts when someone drops a bomb on them.

Travolto*

“I love Ray, and I love how he always spoke from the heart, but if you listened to those speeches, a lot of them didn’t even make sense. He meant everything he was saying, but I didn’t know what he was talking about 90 percent of the time.”

I just read it again and my Spidey senses are tingling. My conspiracy theory: dude is fighting with his GF because she wants him to ask his friends to help them move instead of having a bachelor party. The writing style just reads female to me - I think she wrote it and was planning to show it to him, like: "See,…

“yes...we also blame the NYPD.”
-New York Knicks.

Fuck the MOVING-into-a-house-instead-of-a-BACHELOR-PARTY guy. Seriously?

What about the Bills? They’re a competent QB away from being terrifying.

yeahhhhhhhh, the NYPD doesn’t have enough credibility for me to give them the benefit of the doubt here.

As long as the cat is located inside the suitcase, yes.

The gas and match are for the cat, right?

This or nuke it from orbit. Only acceptable answers.

My suggestion would be gasoline and a match. Cat piss is truly Satanic stuff.

What if I'm dumb, lawyerly?

Given the way the players surrounded the ref, I'm pretty sure that's actually Chelsea de Sarandí.