Porn matches generally end with the winner facefucking the loser with a strap on.

Color Commentator: “....what a touching story, let’s hope that kid beats cancer. And speaking of touching stories about children, Tom can you tell us why the Ducks won’t be facing Luke Heimlich today?”

I’m a Raiders fan. Geno Smith started and won games against us in 2013 and 2014. It is seriously the most embarrassing thing about the “deconstruction years” to me.

Tim Tebow is on a minor league baseball team right now even though he had no idea how to play baseball.

And yet...the Qbs signed as backups, which pretty much what Kaep is looking to be considering he visited Seattle which has a young SB winner at QB already, are objectively worse than Kaep. This Kaep sucks argument is a bit far fetched. He is solid, decent play at QB which is what a backup should be I can EASILY name…

Kaep “isn’t ‘good.’” He does not “suck” in the context of being compared to people like Geno Smith.

For all we know what we saw of Garoppolo is what we saw of Nick Foles from his first couple games in Philly. Remember when Nick Foles was the Second Coming for six weeks? Saying Kaep, a proven quarterback that lead his team to a Super Bowl, is worse than any of those career backups is an insult not just to Kaep but to…

They had the ball on the Ravens 7 yard line on 1-and-goal down 3 with 1:45 to go. Did the Falcons dominate the Patriots in Super Bowl LI?

What are you talking about? The Niners were literally 10 yards from getting a go-ahead touchdown with less than two minutes remaining.

The score was 34-31 and the 49ers had four plays inside the 10 to end the game. What in God’s name are you talking about?

excuse me, sir EXCUSE ME, have you heard about [school i attended or am a fan of]?

Hahahaha. No.

I’m guessing it was just a matter of time before some skinhead douche figured out that “Banjo Elmers” was an anagram for LeBron James.

Did you know that the longest street in the world is Yonge Street in Toronto, Canada, measuring 1,896 km? It’s true! The record was granted by an American committee who saw the “km” after the 1,896 and said “I guess that means it’s big? Whatever. Next time measure things the normal way.” 

Are the Lakers 100% guaranteed to take him at #2?

I’m still hoping Boston trades the first pick to Toronto who takes Ball. I want to see anarchy on draft day at the Ball family table.

How about:

... he told me the pitcher was rehabbing in Arizona and was not able to be reached.

I heard that he also dated Lennay Kekua before Manti Te’o did. 

Genny Cream is a marketing ploy to sell the foamy runoff downstream from the Bausch & Lomb and Kodak buildings.