Easy.  All the volunteers helping out with the lawn need to do is see which asshhole neighbour has a “For Sale” sign out front.  Then (insert various ideas here).

This is why I always fly Southwest if I can help it; I’ve saved so much money doing this. Plus, if you book with points instead of cash, you just get the difference deposited back into your account, without the 12 month expiration of a Southwest travel voucher.

I know, I know! It’s “distracting”.

With the typo, I hope.

My friend’s coffee shop is popular with the college kids; he put up a sign that says “the wifi is free but intermittent”, and when he wants people to leave, he turns off the wi-fi, does the dishes.

Pence: “Are there any Christians being held in these pens?”

My rule is:

If you can’t order, eat, and pay by 10 minutes before closing, then don’t go in to a proper, full-service restaurant. That’s what fast food and all-night diners are for.

And if it can’t be helped and your server is scrambling to get your order taken care of, leave a generous tip.  But you should know that…

It's 2019. "Trust" doesn't exist anymore and shouldn't for any business no matter the size.

They did cancel them, the workers went back to putting the notch at a completely random point on the dipstick.

Splinter this morning: Asking about the FGM to someone that has already sponsored laws to address the issue from a Muslim activist that should know this already is nonsense.

Why join a class action lawsuit if they're fixing the issue? 

You can still sue, but whether it will yield a judgement against Nintendo is open to debate. Class action suits around defective products (that don’t cause physical injury) can be based along the “diminished value” theory — meaning that what you bought is worth less because of defect. However (1), Nintendo is taking…

Why would you care? The only damage to the consumer is a non-working Joy-con, so if Ninty fixes it, you’ve been made whole.

I mean, if we get the repairs for free and our prior repair costs refunded, then what exactly are we losing by leaving the class action suit? That's the most we could have gotten out of that anyway. What more did we want, punitive damages for emotional suffering?

I think getting free joy-con repairs is probably going to be of greater benefit to most consumers than waiting out for any class-action suit payout.

Also, if you’re going to the trouble of accusing someone of stealing, do all your fucking investigative work in one go instead of going back and forth and basically acting like you don’t know what the fuck your doing.. Once is (generally) suspicion, three and four times is fucking racism.

If someone stole a shirt, most likely it was a white person to begin with. 

Retraining?  Nope.  Fire everyone from the head down.  Then hire new people who aren’t racist and train them. 

It’s a felony and if someone dies (such as if someone died of a medical issue and was unable to contact or was delayed in reaching 911 due to said interference) it becomes murder.

To be fair, though, roughly 37% of New York city residents are 31-year-olds who work at an advertising agency.