She's trying to make lemonade, and step 1 is squeezing some fucking lemons out of the fuckups who are responsible for this mess.

Look, I get why she's upset. I would be, too, if I thought I was getting something (that I paid handsomely for) and ended up getting something else. But there's no return policy on a baby, so you have to suck it up and make the most of it. You live in Podunk, Ohio and there aren't any other black people around and you…

Oh, young Val. I think I attained puberty while watching him in Willow.

Whatevs. Last week I went outside, walked to bus stop, bus pulled up with no waiting. I got off that bus, walked to transfer bus stop, bus pulled up with no waiting.

But if you don't brag about him on Facebook does he really even exist?

Ha. I say that every morning when my husband is getting dressed :P

As a bonus, it's hilarious and adorable to hear my two year old say "Hi Penis!" when I change his diaper in the morning.

We've always used the proper terms with our kiddo (I'm a biologist, I'm not going to call it a wee-wee or a hoo-haa or whatever). She was then told by other kids she was saying "bad words." Her teacher started to tell her not to say those and she proudly said "My mommy says those are the right words and not to use…

My tip, my tip!

Is it possible for some of our readers to get vegan nothing burgers? I don't want them to feel like we're not being sensitive to their needs.

Typical HuffulePuff Hat

Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SOUND OF ME GOBBLING DOWN ALL THESE NOTHING BURGERS.

That newspaper thing tho.

Under Kira's supervision, according to the source, pledges in the incoming class were called names, berated for their perceived physical flaws and imperfections, and made to perform physical tasks to the point of bruising and exhaustion.

I love that you include Roseanne in this mix. People don't put her in the same category with other great TV moms, but SHE was out there busting her ass in any demeaning job she could get, sometimes two at a time, to make ends meet. Living in a town that didn't offer their kids a lot of options, but clearly loved them…

Clair Huxtable is why I'm a lawyer. I wanted to be her. I even moved to NYC. She was my childhood hero!

Yep, I always think of that when the talk about prize money—DON'T FORGET ABOUT TAXES!

It's taxed as income, so she'll have to pay state and federal taxes but not any employment taxes (Social Security, Medicare, etc.) Federal tax on that amount would be 39.6% for 2014, Maryland state income tax on that amount is 5.75%, so she should end up with just over half a million dollars.

Makes the meatball sandwich sign look rookie by comparison.