So so bad. My first impression was ‘Roger Federer auditioning for Hedwig and the Angry Inch.’

I want the person who came up with the word “jorts” to do hard time for crimes against popular culture and the apparel industry. The cringe-factor of “jeggings” was bad enough. Why didn’t King Wintour put a stop to this madness?

Chef/restaurateur here, stumping for the $29.95 (+$15 if you want the stainless carafe, and you do) Mr. Coffee, which was one of two or three in Consumer Reports (including beautiful machines at $395) that actually heated the water to the optimal 195F to make great coffee.

In what world do boys wear jeggings?

Pickled watermelon rind is delicious. It’s pickled in a sweet syrup with white vinegar and spices. It’s especially good when whole fresh hot chiles are added.

That donkey is so cute. Shut up sing-song lady, Donkey would like to enjoy his goddamned watermelon in peace. To hell with Susie and her truck.

My sense of smell works overtime as it is, so I’m not sure I could handle that. I’ve had my locker moved at the gym twice because of how rank the guy next to me let his gear get. They were both smoking hot, too, so I missed seeing them naked as much. Go figure.

He’s a disgusting pig (I wouldn’t think so if he were gay, I'd just think he was like any sex-addicted gay dude) but Tucker Max’s story of first time anal is hilarious.

Santorum, all grown up.

At the risk of sounding naive—which is laughable in and of itself—what's a food baby? My mind is reeling with possibilities.

We have bonded over butter! Which reminds me—have you tried the Bulletproof Coffee yet? I have not, as I believe it would send me straight to the bathroom.

Exactly, I meant to say unsalted! And yes, it’s made right here. We used to get 50# boxes of European butter for the pastry kitchen and 50# boxes of American butter for the hot line. We’d always just say Plugra to distinguish between the two. But now I've discovered Kerrygold. I swear I could eat that stuff like…

Use unsalted Kerrygold Irish or Plugras butter from France. The flavor is amazing and the water content is much lower. For the pot, I like to get a variety with herbal/citrus/fruit aromas as opposed to licorice/pine/eucalyptus notes, because I don’t want my butter to taste like Vick’s Vaporub. But I have even made…

Children...with their soft ringlets of chestnut colored hair, their big, limpid eyes the color of the rarest aquamarine...their cute toothy grins, with Kool-aid colored mustaches...

Lousy follow through too. Keep the camera on the kid, dad.

He's so cute! And his dad got quite a chuckle out of seeing his little boy get fish-slapped.

Isn't the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University? That seems so odd in light of recent news. Imagine those cupcake Christians watching the stuff that went down in his research center.

Big leathery balls. Those things would never slip on in.

Probably not, but my Peppery Schwantz is always taking applications....

Looks like mostly potatoes and just a little meat.