Someone get this man a drink of his choice. Whatever it may be. Well done sir.

Is there anything more attention seeking in this world than typing in all caps?

With those Jeri Curls I can promise you a baseball wasn't the only thing he was sexing

I'll never forget the 2010 Algeria goal. It was at like 9 in the morning so we had a breakfast party at my place. Pancakes, Bacon and Budweiser I dare you to find something more American than that. Also, it was the first time I had ever bet on soccer. Even though I cleaned it good, I'm sure there is still syrup all…

Well I knew that the dogs defense is a vast improvement over Harden's therefore the Rockets are willing to do whatever it takes.

Breaking: The Rockets have traded James Harden and a future first round pick for Nic Batum's dog.

Can't tell if Johnny Football or Champ Kind

It's Montgomery...what else did you expect?

Why is Russell Wilson riding that horse?

This makes me like him even more than I already did. Which I did not know was possible.

Blasphomey. What are the chances the 22nd or 23rd guy even see the pitch? Not very high.

Man this guy just can't catch a break...

So does this make Lebron Rocky?

You forgot the Hefty Lefty. Because no one wants to be eaten alive.

Obligatory "Most fight he put up all season" comment

Colin Cowherd or Darren Rovell, who would you rather see banished to a deserted island?

Marcell Dareus seen here beating out a bunt in the third inning.

Darren Rovell is a saint and a godsend to the sports media world.

Breaking: Kyle Turley is "teammate" who took 30 Vicodin a day.

Was this the best reply in the history of Deadspin?