I think Jenna Jameson put it best when she said, "What he's trying to convey to you, you dense fuck, is that he doesn't love you."

OH MY GOD. This guy is irritating me so much.

The IKEA assembly manual writer. Of course he's a douche.

JK ROWLING IS A MAN?! AND AN ASS?!

Weiner: <Random quote pulled from article unrelated to his reasons for leaving>

"Fact: Everything I'm saying is supposition."

The description of this post as "fact-checking" needs to be fact-checked.

Civil ceremony for the win! We had sex when we got home from the county clerks office. :) I have never understood the need for a big, fancy ceremony. I love him, he loves me, I'd rather spend that money on something that lasts for more than a day and that doesn't stress me the fuck out.

New 'pon. Every time. Anyone who doesn't is wrong and probably has some sort of infection.

Yeah that's my jam. I like the tampon situation to be completely uninvolved in the poop.

Yes, but mostly because my muscles down there are apparently so strong I basically shoot the tampon out while pooping. I'm not really given much choice. After-the-fact TMI Alert.

After a "powerful deuce"? The kind that involves a certain amount of effort? Yes. If I gotta push to get the poo out then I'm also pushing the tampon out a little. No one likes a shifted tampon. Also, if the string is long enough and hanging the right way it could possibly come into contact with said poo, and I don't…

Yes. Always...

I take it out before I poop, and then replace it after I'm done. I hate period poops. They are the worst.

The military does not fuck around when it comes to drug offenses. I wish they would have the stones to apply a similar zero tolerance policy when it comes to sexual assault.

Hazard pay for exposure to terrible shit is built into our salaries, I think.

But after combing through numerous Preserve posts

Is there a parody site for this called "Perverse" yet? If not, why not? I nominate Kelly and Shrayber.

I always figured that it would be a wedding that would one day kill us all. My money would have been on improperly stored salmon though.

The school's next sexuality workshop should be run by the student who wrote that open letter.