BRB. Currently sending my dad a thank-you email for his neurotic insistence on purchasing the security gate for my fire escape window and the second lock for my front door.

A compelling case for firearm ownership if there ever was one.

$350 on the wedding, $150 on rings, $60 for the judge, $40 for the material to make my dress, $90 for his suit. 32 years married. Yours is gonna work out,too!

Wow, that's pretty unreal. Yeah, I can't really be mad at this.

There Probably Homeschooled By They're Tooters.

If I told my husband that I wasn't comfortable with a particular sexual act and his response was "that is such a turn-off", I might never have sex with him again.

i would have a lovely small wedding at my mom's house in maine and then roll around on all the money left over while cackling wildly.

We have a doctor. Like, a real one, not one who plays one on TV. What is this world coming to?

Other things you are not, a mouse, rat, guinea pig, rabbit, pig, beagle, E. coli, baker's yeast, zebra fish, C. elegans, Henrietta Lacks, and aborted Danish fetus from the 1970s...

Much as I'd love to ban you, it's way more fun to watch all these other commenters tearing your ridiculous argument apart.

I once had 40yo customer ask me if the omelet had egg in it. The obvious reply of, "an omelet is made from eggs," prompted "well, it doesn't say egg," and a completely bewildered look from me.

I'm baffled at how a grown adult could go through 20+ years of life and not notice that eggs come prepared different ways. That's some high-level obliviousness, right there.

Vegan steak, in that it's from a cow that ate only vegetables.

After a few minutes, I returned to the table. The man ordered a hamburger.

I explained to him that filet mignon is a steak, a very nice cut of beef. This guy actually argued with me, causing a big scene.

So the slutty clothes got her the rich guy in the first place... thanks, Teach, lesson learned!

Big mistake. Huge.

Er, anyone shopping in Harrods is one of the povs. If you're rich, they bring it to you.

Dodai, I knew this day was coming, and I feared it, because you have been my favorite writer here and I have really appreciated your perspective and your skill as a writer. Fusion is lucky to have you, and I will be checking it out regularly. Thank you so much for your years here.

Good luck Dodai! You have been such a strong voice here and you will be missed.