I don't even necessarily think second grade is too early for it, but "SURPRISE YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT VAGINAS NOW" really isn't the best way to handle that at all. That's some shit you need to think about how to approach beforehand, as a teacher.

I had sex ed in second grade and we learned proper terminology, but there weren't cookies involved. I feel cheated now.

"Your first erotic meal? Condom Meat Stuffing. Delicious!"

"Hey, has anyone seen my credibility? It was about yay big, I think it was just right here? Anyone? Anyone?"

Wow, so Ward was also racing baked? That is nuts. Diminished judgement and reflexes = not the best time to run out on a hot track.

People are freaking out that they would even test for THC.

Good. Ward acted like an idiot and paid the ultimate price.

We've always used the proper terms with our kiddo (I'm a biologist, I'm not going to call it a wee-wee or a hoo-haa or whatever). She was then told by other kids she was saying "bad words." Her teacher started to tell her not to say those and she proudly said "My mommy says those are the right words and not to use…

See also: "But I have black friends!" and "I was just joking! Gosh!"

I don't think the folks at Fox concern themselves overly much with facts.

Figures a nothing news network suggests the nothing burger for a meal.

Fact. Jezebel reported this fact.

Right? It's such a weak attempt to discredit someone while still managing to be exceptionally vain and oblivious. "OMG everyone just hates me because I'm so beautiful!!" NOPE they hate you because you're THE WORST.

Being called out by FOX is a badge of honor. Wear it proudly!

Can I have your no-news fries?

I can't believe Fox News defended a Blonde White Woman. I didn't see that one coming.

Ah! the "you're just jealous" defense. One of the top three bullshit defenses, along with "we're not bothering anyone" and "we're just having fun".

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but nothing burgers are my favorite kind of burgers.

The thing that makes me think this is maybe not a hoax is the author's ability to identify sexual tension where no other human being would be able to see it. Why is Hermione Granger suddenly a porno character?