Good for him. As a North Carolina resident, I’m glad that the Panthers were able to lose the shitty owner and be able to sign him.

using it only to tell the pitcher “I banged your mom”

But it was the support of the middle and upper-class North Carolinians—people like the man you just met—that were the decisive vote. These were the suburbanites that the DNC believed would be turned off by Drumpf’s oafish bigotry and crass idiocy. They weren’t.

He’s still more handsome than his son. 

Here’s a good lesson for you kids out there: never take joy in anything because it doesn’t ultimately matter.

I mean, that’s an exaggeration, but I’d love to see Rodgers and Brady put up the kind of game Cam did in the playoffs last year with one-footed Greg Olsen, one-armed Devin Funchess and 3 piles of scrap to throw to. I'm still pissed off at Kaelin Clay for dropping that TD.

This honestly feels like a cut scene from “Get Out.”

If only the same thing would happen to the ESPN executives who think people enjoy watching little league baseball.

Huh. Usually 2 balls 1 strike works in favor of the batter.

You shouldn’t judge them on their love of KKK Turbolader turbochargers like that. And Kasey Garrett Kahne just doesn’t have the same ring to it. /s

FUCK AND YES! My brother and I would play “American Gladiators” in the back yard when we were kids. We would do a series of skills challenges with the outdoor toys we had and then obstacle courses where we drag a bunch of random shit into the yard while the other stands in one plays and attempts to shoot the other…

How about a moonshine joke?

Wipe the bird shit off your smoker, man. What the fuck. 

“Best advice is not have kids at all” is about the truest statement ever made in these parts. Though I agree with the other advice here too :)

Wow, it’s almost as if Babar would be a good symbol for a political party.

It’s actually much sadder than Bambi because elephants are smart and cool, whereas deer are the worthless hillbillies of the animal kingdom. Had it not been that, she would have just gotten a case of the stares as a friggin Astrovan escorts her over the rainbow bridge.

The Arby’s near my office went out of business recently. I made a point of going once before they closed just so I could horde Arby’s Sauce. I have no shame.

“I prepared this” vs. “You cooked it” is the best/worst marriage argument I’ve heard in a while.