You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

You were alive when the Cardinals moved to Arizona but not alive when the Raiders and Rams left L.A.?

Don’t.

I’m holding out for “Mirror Fight 2: Hospitalized Drewgaloo”

If he succeeds, they’ll build a statue of him in front of the stadium.

I guess all of the Hate mail to Megan for her horrible food takes got caught in the Spam folder.

Wait till he finds out that the guy fucked his mom too.

I’ve been using “clap’s back” for years.

Some men just want to watch the world burn. But even the Joker thinks this is fucking absurd.

“Now with Deep Fake technology, I can finally make the Hoth boning shelter a reality, like I always dreamed!” - George Lucas

“Look. You just don’t bet against a team with Joe Montana at QB. You just don’t.”

Are you even allowed to coach if you’re that handsome? Rowr. 

I still think the overall worst commercials are the bud light ones where the overwhelming statement is;

If/when Beltre gets a HOF bust, it should have Andrus’s hand resting on top of it.

Rodgers emphatically denied any rift, but eyebrows were raised when he added, “Mike is like a member of my own family.”

Hey Chicago, whaddya say, you’re gonna lose to the Pack today.*

In a game against the Almighty Himself... Belichick is still within one.

The weird knee thing only happens in Joe Theismann mode.

I read this exact same advice in Goop, except it was paprika instead of salt, oat milk instead of beer, pouring it on your clit instead of drinking it, and instead of changing your life in the abstract it eliminated the discomfort of menopause.

I can’t believe this Taiwanese baseball league is just going to act like the First Amendment doesn’t apply to them.