Then change the photo. I’d have sex with Kate Beckinsale under almost any circumstance I can think of, and many that I have not.

“Never heard of him.” - Self-proclaimed “12"

I’m still writing 2016 MLB All-Star Game on my checks!!!

He stopped short? That’s my move!!

Shit, now the Orioles will have to protect their honor by drilling someone on Holbrook’s crew.

Before choosing to watch my favorite team on television, I, like most sports fans, apply a strict political litmus test on the ideological philosophy of the network broadcasting the game.

Obviously the newly out of work sissy liberal sports reporters can get real jobs as coal miners in our refreshed coal mining industry!

Um yeah, they were pretty liberal about spending money on exclusive TV rights to events.

Dave Bliss, moments after the interview:

Gotta give them credit for showing their cards here and trusting Gottlieb not to steal them.

Yes, you’re right. It definitely is not a sports entertainment promotion featuring musclebound men wearing sparkly spandex costumes slamming each other around for spectacle. It’s some whole other, more serious thing.

So then how can some cities have tap water up into the nines? That’s so much higher than that range. Is that not dangerous?

I thought Al Kaline water was mostly bourbon.

And the on-deck circle for switch hitters is right behind the catcher.

It’s almost like they were having a contest to see who could squeeze in the most uses of the word “con”.

“Listen, either you play my music, or we’re playing nothing at all!” - James Dolan.

“Van Helsing staked pain in me.” - Dracula

Really makes my dad’s favorite way to threaten me, “I’ll hit you so hard your great grandkids will feel it,” seem way more fucked up.

I’m surprised he can’t fathom how someone unqualified could get a job considering he’s had his own show for 10 years

FRANCESA: [pause] How would she get to the NBA, though?