Ashley I. needs a real friend to grab her by the shoulders and shake the stupid out of her. She really needs to grow up. My guess is her parents have a ton of money. Every time she calls a 30-year-old woman “so old” I die a little more. Ugh.

Wtf wrong with these people. YOU’RE ON A BEACH MOTHERFUCKERS. I don’t even think I could get upset about anything. But I suppose there’s lots of alcohol involved.

Ashley I. needs to go do a year abroad or something to help her grow up. She is a nightmare. She really carries on. What is she going to do in the real…

When they asked her “Did you kiss?” in a very omgno tone. And she’s like “yeah ^_^”

She’s a little desperate though. You should never be this needy for love that you accept just anybody. Joe is clearly shady and gross. The minute you become needy, anyone’s good enough. It’s because she has a kid, that she has to be more selective. Sadly, many single moms think the opposite.

yes, and the fact that the Raccoon likes budget Mexican red wine is the reason why she is such a great cast member!

I was actually at a party with The Donald about 10 years ago. (It wasn’t his party, but he was there - allow me my moment!) There was lots of food and billowy white curtains!

Constantly. black undies. Black leggings. Sitting on the bus, realizing you forgot to change your pad and PRAYING the one you are wearing can hold out for another half an hour. Feeling that *bloop* and rushing to the bathroom. Sticking extra toilet paper down *there* to stop the flow from going backwards to…

I’m sure some will call me a judgmental bitch for this, but I don’t care: if you want to go on shows like this you do you, but if you have a child, I think it’s a real dick move. Not because you’re away from them necessarily, but because it risks confusing them tremendously! I mean I *guess* it’s not as big a deal if…

Right?! I think she’s totally beautiful but I didn’t understand why so many of the dudes had her as their number one right away. She has the personality of a graham cracker.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: one of my favorite aspects of this franchise is how all the contestants are familiar with these shows, know how they work, KNOW their track record, and yet EVERY DAMN TIME think that they’re going to find true love in this environment.

I don’t know why anyone who has a kid would go on one of these shows, quite frankly.

Free snacks is the best part about weddings.

My partner can’t stand stiffy old Rich White People sometimes...but the champagne and food alone would have sealed the deal for me. You can bitch to me all day long about the suffering of the white business man under the oppression of regulation as long as you give me really good food and alcohol. I’ll eventually find…

Oh god, when he kissed her I wanted to puke. It looked like a miserable thing to endure.

I am new to the Bachelor universe, and it took me an embarrassingly long time on Sunday to come to terms with the fact that Joe and Joshua are different people, because they were both such obnoxious assholes and I couldn’t tell them apart. And every single time Joe talked about being there for Samantha, I was like,…

I would totally go. And shove everything that wasn’t nailed down into my oversized bag! Then take selfies with everything in gold gilt!

Who wouldn’t go. It’s like hate watching but with free champagne.

In retrospect, I may have attended every wedding I’ve ever been to ironically.

Clare: “I wanna feel what you guys feel when it’s, like, everybody feels with the people who are couples are feeling...”